Q. How do you stop a baby drowning?
A. Take your foot off it's head.

Q. What's the difference between a dead baby and a condom?
A. ...You don't know? SICK BASTARD!

Q. What's wet, red and crawling up your leg?
A. A homesick abortion.

Q. What's orange and blue and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A. A baby with slashed armbands.

Q. What's orange and green and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A. Same baby. Three weeks later.

Q. What's red and silver and sits in the corner?
A. A baby with forks in it's eyes.

Q. What's silver and green and sits in the corner?
A. Same baby. Three weeks later.

Q. What's pink and red and can't go through revolving doors?
A. A baby with a javelin in it's face.

Q. How do you stop a baby from falling down a manhole?
A. Jab a spear through it's neck.

Q. What's got four legs and one arm?
A. A Rottweiler in a playground.

Q. What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
A. One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

Q. What do you call two spineless babies?
A. Slippers.

Q. How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Depends how high you stack them.

Q. How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
A. Depends how hard you throw them.

Q. How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
A. Depends how thinly you slice them.

Q. What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a jacuzzi?
A. Don't have a jacuzzi in my bathroom.

Q. What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and my conscience?
A. I don't have a conscience.

Q. What's the difference between a truck load of bowling balls and a truck load of dead babies?
A. Can't offload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Q. How do you get fifty babies into a bucket?
A. With a blender...

Q. ...And how do you get them out again?
A. Doritos.

Q. What's better than sex with a five year old?
A. NOTHING.

Q. What's the best thing about sex with twenty two year olds?
A. There's twenty of them.

Q. What do you get when you drop a baby in a blender?
A. A Hard-on.

Q. What's black and bubbly and taps on glass?
A. A baby in a microwave.

Q. What's pink, red orange and black and travels at sixty miles an hour?
A. A cheetah eating a baby.

Q. What's pink and turns black at the flick of a switch?
A. A baby chewing a light bulb.

Q. Why did the baby cross the road?
A. 'Cos it was stapled to the chicken.

Q. What did the blind, deaf and quadriplegic baby get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.

Q. What's white and round and bobs up and down in a crib?
A. My Arse.

Q. What's funnier than a dead baby?
A. A dead baby in a clown costume.

Q. How do you make a child cry twice?
A. Wipe your bloody cock on it's teddy bear.

Q. What's the best part about sex with a nine year old girl?
A. You can turn her around afterwards and pretend she's a nine year old boy.

Q. What do you get when you break a dead baby's jaw?
A. Deep throat.

Q.What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion?
A.You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.

Q. What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
A.when you jump on a trampoline you take your boots off

Q. What present do you get a dead baby?
A. A dead puppy.

Q. What's the difference between and dead baby and a apple?
A. You don't cum on an apple before you eat it.

Q. What's stiff, has a purple head and keeps women screaming all night?
A. Cot death.

Q.What's red and hangs from the ceiling?
A. A baby on a meathook.

Q.What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
A.You can't gargle gravel.

Q. What's more fun than spinning a baby on a clothesline?
A. Stopping it with a shovel.

Q.Whats the worst thing about shagging a dead baby?
A.Wiping the blood of your clownsuit.

Q. What's worse than hearing a baby cry?
A. Hearing the pelvis crack under pressure.

Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. Because he had no arms.

Q.What's funnier than a dead baby?
A.A dead baby sitting next to a kid with downs syndrome.

Q. How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?
A. Nail its other hand to the floor.

Q. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
A. Art.

Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A. A baby in a trash compactor.

Q. Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A. So you can see the expression on its face!

Q. What's more fun than nailing a dead baby to a wall?
A. Tearing it off again.

Q. What's 18 inches tall but can see for miles?
A. A crucified baby.

Q. What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A. Twins in an acid bath.

Q. Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
A. So you can pick them up five at a time.